My dad was a strict guy. One of many rules involved entering a room if he was talking with someone. I had to wait at the door and be acknowledged before coming in, there was no barging in and definitely no interrupting. Growing up I don’t recall breaking that rule very often, the stinging consequences were a very effective reminder. As I grew into adulthood, I was shaped to believe that behavior was the “polite” way to behave. And, as an adult I found myself standing at my boss’ door, waiting to be acknowledged before entering. I don’t know if my boss was trying to teach me a lesson, but he’d rarely acknowledge me, and sometimes folks would just walk right past me. I was always aggravated when that happened, I was there first, I was lined up, when is it my turn?
This weekend, as I was watching a PBS Show, (I think it was Makers) a woman was recounting her career, and she said … ‘you can’t wait for permission, no one is going to give it to you, AND YOU DON’T NEED IT. ‘
BOOM. My jaw dropped.
Was that 8 year old me standing at the door, but then 34 years old, and still waiting for permission? Was I waiting for someone to tell me it was OK to come in, OK to ask questions, OK to interrupt? And why did it take me more than 13 years to realize that was what was happening?
I was struck, and it has stuck with me for 3 days now. Where else IS this appearing in my life? I’m being honest here, I’m not saying WHERE DID this appear, I am asking is this happening right now? Am I waiting for permission to live the life of my dreams?
OUCH. Ripping that band-aid off was a little painful, but not overcomeable. Now that I’m aware I can improve and let go of the part that’s not serving me. Most folks who know me from afar probably have a difficult time imagining that I’d wait for permission because they see me in a role as a public speaker or an entrepreneur. And in those situations, I don’t generally need permission, but in the times that I think I do, I’m going to be paying closer attention, because no one is going to give me permission — and the woman on the show was right, I don’t need it.
